Hill V. Bieber:
Battle of the the intellects
MY anthology Naughty
Nineties (buy it here) was travelling nicely on page 4 of Amazon’s category, popular music books.
Sure five Justin Bieber books were ahead of it but the Steele Hill collection was
beating the Justin Bieber quote book.
In
the twinkling of an eye – I swear it was
less than three minutes – Naughty
Nineties had slipped to page 7. The Leave
it to Bieber quotes remained on page 4.
Now
I know how John Lennon felt when he returned his MBE gong in protest against the
war in Biafra and Cold Turkey
slipping down the charts.
How
had Bieber bested Steele Hill in that instant-karmic skirmish of the war of pop
words? Buy Naughty Nineties here
JB
has the advantage in that he can draw on cultural iconography to the present
while Steele is restricted to references before he partied like it was 1999 and it actually was.
Ever
the (slightly tarnished) gentleman, SH lets JB goes first.
On Celebrities
There
was no point in trying to tell anyone at school about this. It would be like
telling them I was going to meet Chuck Norris. I mean, c’mon. It’s Chuck
Norris! JB
Nat
is a huge Prince fan. For me, he is a pleasant enough way to pass the time. His
albums and videos scream to me kid with
too much pocket money. SH
[Kim
Kardashian] Beyond just being, like,
extremely hot, she’s actually, you know, a really nice person. JB
[Kid
Creole & the Coconuts] Wow, is that totally wrong or really cool? SH
He's
[Kanye West] such a cool guy, and he's just really laid back and just nice, and
at the end of the day, he's just a nice person. JB
She
waved the bat around like Joe di Maggio who is the only baseball player I know
apart from Babe Ruth but Simon and Garfunkel never put the Babe in a song. SH
He
said when I turn 16 he was going to give me his Lamborghini. But we all know
[P.] Diddy's not gonna give me his Lamborghini. He's all talk. JB
… she [Ruby
Hunter] ended up on the streets where she met
another homeless kid, Archie [Roach]. With the help of
music, they turned their lives around together. SH
On
criticism
Before
you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away
and you have their shoes. JB
Crystal’s
a hustler. Deep down, and not so deep down, she is proud of her profession. SH
Haters
will say what they want, but their hate will never stop you from chasing your
dream. JB
I
always seem to be in trouble with women. It takes a great deal of reflection to
understand why. Usually I do not bother with such tedious self-criticism. SH
On Romance
I'm
really glad that I speak French, because, let's face it, girls dig it when a
guy speaks French. JB
When
in a romantic mood, I would travel to the Osbourne [Hotel] to take in the sea
air and play the ponies at the PubTAB.
On Driving
I
drive a Range Rover. That’s my main car. And I just got this Batmobile type
thing. It was made for me. JB
I
suggested Flick and Ryan could ride with me in the front of my one-seater
Holden EH ute. The older kids could travel in the tray. SH
On Faith
I
always thank God for giving me this opportunity and for blessing me with this
talent. JB
Another
funny thing about Sun City was, because it was independent, it allowed casinos
and topless dancers, both illegal in the righteous Republic of South Africa. SH
On Fame
My
world got very big, very fast, and based on a lot of sad examples from the
past, a lot of people expect me to get lost in it. JB
…they were playing an old song ─ this one with Ricky Nelson bitching about a
bummer gig at Madison Square Garden. Ricky reckons you can’t please everyone,
so you might as well please yourself. SH
On Fans
There is no cure for Bieber Fever! JB
The four of them, falling over themselves late one
night, blaringly slurring the chorus of the Cruel Sea’s Better Get a Lawyer was one of the terrifying sights of my life. SH
On Fashion
I like big sunglasses but not those huge, round ones.
JB
The string of black pearls looked odd, but hey, at
home, I often wear my lucky wrist bracelet with one inset jade. SH
On Life
I'm looking
forward to influencing others in a positive way. My message is you can do
anything if you just put your mind to it. JB
It was the usual story: the kids have to do better than
us. Happily ever after, I think that’s how it finishes. You’ve probably seen
the movie. SH
IT is pretty obvious Justin Bieber and Steele Hill are
both great contemporary philosophers. Who is better? The free market of consumers
of popular music books will decide.
I suspect the result might get ugly.
Uggs. I think they're ugly. Justin Bieber.
… you never know your luck in the big city, there are
worse philosophical foundations to build a life on. Steele Hill (Buy Naughty Nineties here)
How dare they let Cold Turkey and Naughty Nineties slip down the charts:
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