Bernie pic

Bernie pic

Friday, 4 January 2013


Burlesque performer Dita Von Teese is a new columnist for They tell me hers is a stripped-down style.
YOU learn something new every day. Today I discovered It did not change my life.
It seems xojane is one of the top-10 women’s lifestyle internet sites. I am not a woman and many say I am lifestyle-free. Maybe that is why I am not raving about the site. To me, it looked like a online glossy tabloid.
But it has jokes. I like jokes.
Jane in the mag title is Jane Pratt and you can read her story HERE
I wonder why Jane told everybody about her affaire with Drew Barrymore. I did not tell the world  about my affaire with Nicole Kidman. I didn’t even tell Nicole.
The XO part of the internet mag’s title apparently stands for hugs and kisses. It is usually written XOXO so, with xojane, maybe you get only one hug and one kiss. It could be why Jane and Drew broke up.
Back to the jokes because you are probably wondering what happened to those I sort of implied I might share with you..
Huggy-kissy Jane supplied the fifty best late-night-tv jokes of 2012 in a recent issue.
Whoaa, 50 is way too many. I am not convinced 50 different jokes actually exist.
I have curated the 50 jests down to 10  To entice you to read them all, I have listed them in descending order from the 10th best to the very best.
10. Donald Trump was bumped from speaking at the Republican convention because of Hurricane Isaac. See, nobody ever talks about the good things hurricanes do." –  Jay Leno, August 2

9. “This season's Dancing With the Stars is called the All-Stars edition. In previous years, people complained they'd never heard of the stars. Well, not this year. They've all been on before. Big names like Sabrina Bryan, Melissa Rycroft, and Giles Marini. Yes, Giles Marini. They got him. Or her." - Craig Ferguson, September 24
8 "Tough Olympic news for the Romneys. Ann Romney's horse Rafalka did not advance to the Olympic finals. Apparently it was beat by a smooth-talking socialist horse from Kenya." - Conan O'Brien, August 7
7. "It looks like Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are dating, and apparently they're getting serious. Friends say Kanye is the man Kim wants to spend the rest of her month with." - Jay Leno, April 11
6.  I brought my son to Bring Your Child to Work Day. I brought him in and let him fire a writer. Bring Your Child to Work Day -- that's how we got George W. Bush." - David Letterman, April 26
5. There is an HBO movie coming out about the 2008 presidential election. Apparently John McCain is very unhappy with the way he was portrayed. He said he came across as a clueless and angry man. No one had the heart to tell him he was watching the toaster." - Craig Ferguson, March 2
4. A new report found that Hawaii has the best quality of life of any state in the U.S. You know, just in case you thought it sucked living in Hawaii." - Jimmy Fallon, February 28
3. Last week a group of chefs baked the world's largest pizza, which is gluten-free and contains 9,000 pounds of cheese. Or as Americans put it, 'You had me at "world's largest pizza" . You LOST me at "gluten-free". Then you won me back with "9,000 pounds of cheese." - Jimmy Fallon, December 18
2. Big movie opening this weekend. It's Snow White and the Huntsman. Charlize Theron is the evil queen. She's willing to commit murder just to keep a more youthful appearance. We have a name for that type of person in Los Angeles. It's called everyone. The queen banishes Snow White because of her beauty. But the dwarves help Snow White because they're smitten by that very beauty. It teaches kids an important lesson: Nothing matters except for your looks."   Craig Ferguson, June 1
1 The Huffington Post is taking some heat for badly misquoting Mark Twain in a recent piece that was meant to celebrate his birthday. But as Twain himself once said, 'Haters gonna hate.'" -- Jimmy Fallon, December 12

Was there a giggle in there for you? If not I am looking for a way outa here. Cheers Bernie

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