Lucie Lit Unleashes

Another guest column from Lucretia Lit this week.

Oh those poor ex-husbands of hers. How they must 

have suffered

Cheers

Bernie

Messaging my Glitoris

with Lucretia Lit

Column 3                                                    

A REGULAR highlight of my exciting life is the arrival of Futurebook: The Bookseller's digital publishing email.

The Bookseller represents those poor sweeties who own bricks and mortgage bookshops.

My writer friends and I have a running lottery on how many lines in before Future books begins its first bash at the Evil Giant Amazon.

No one won this week as it was a whopping 11 lines in before the Big A received its first mention.

The lottery jackpots and we were all disappointed. Our sorrow turned to joy when we read this sentence during the second attack.

``I've heard time and time again recently that Amazon is all about scale, and it is this that will finally kill off publishers, unable to compete against this ruthless behemoth.’’

Those hyperbole pills are really working for you, Bookseller, dearie.

Having you comment on digital books is like Dracula taking deposits at a blood bank. Bazoomko!  https://mail.google.com/mail/#inbox/136e41472331fee9

K. M. Luvvie, don’t worry about that nasty man who said you should stop writing about capital and start trying to accumulate it. That gag is about as funny as a rejection slip. You on the other hand, Karlo, have all those sweet Dad jokes in your books. Scewadum!

NICE to see respected Pakastani journalist Irfan Husain at the recent London Book Fair. The international guest wrote,

``Located at Earl’s Court, London’s enormous exhibition hall, the fair brought together literally hundreds of publishers. Indeed, when I asked an official at the media centre for the exact number, she couldn’t give me a figure. ‘’

Irfan, honey, we know you mean it as a compliment. But that says more about the calibre of British journalists than the resilience of bricks and mortgage bookstores. Uwhacanini!

P. W. matey, don’t take this the wrong way and it is only a question. We know that you are the only Australian Nobel Laureate for literature and that’s wonderful because most Aussies think reading is a jail Oscar Wilde went to. But Patty, yer ol’ bastard, has anyone actually finished one of your books. Nobellaba!